Philip

Mentors can come in all shapes and sizes.

Sometimes, they don’t even realize they’re mentoring you. Hell, you might not realize they’re mentoring you until much, much later. That’s exactly how it was with Philip.

When someone asked me who I’d consider my mentor, an individual whose advice I’d trust without hesitation, I immediately said, “Philip.” No pause, no deliberation—just, “Philip.” The funny thing is, I never thought of him as a mentor at the time.

Philip wasn’t my manager but my manager’s manager. We didn’t have weekly 1:1: meetings or structured mentorship sessions. His mentorship was the accidental result of proximity—my desk happened to be behind his—and my witnessing his sheer brilliance as a recruiter and leader. He was the best I’ve ever seen, and without him, my shaky first steps in recruitment might have turned into a full-on collapse.

It was my first job as a recruiter and my first foray outside of the education industry. “Imposter Syndrome” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I walked around with a knot in my stomach, my brain screaming, “What the hell are you doing here?” But Philip… Philip was a beacon. He didn’t sit me down and give me a pep talk.

He didn’t have to. By watching him, learning from his example, and occasionally receiving his direct (and often dryly funny) advice, I grew.

Looking back now is when I can call the spade a spade (or the Philip a mentor). We recently wrote a post on Cheerleaders and I thought we could make the distinction here on what makes a mentor. 

1. They’ve Walked the Walk (& Fell a Few Times too)

While a CheerLeader is more of a comrade, a Mentor is someone who has both experience and skill. They act like a public library, there when you need a resource to pull out. That usually means that they tend to be older than you but not necessarily; Philip is in fact younger. He had been in the recruiting world for years (while I had come from education). As I eavesdropped on him navigating tough conversations, handling impossible clients and closing deals like it was eating cake it seemed like he was born with it. A true Maybelline advert.

But that wasn’t true at all. It looked like (or rather sounded ‘cause most of my time my back was to him) but the reality was Philip did not shy away from sharing the mistakes he made so we could learn from them. Those chats were like having a cheat sheet on How Not To Fuck Up.

And that is what you want; someone who screwed up enough to be great at something. Have I messed up as a recruiter? Hell, yes! But a lot less than I would have. Your mentor, whomever it may or will be, is not just someone successful in the field, it’s also someone willing to communicate the hard lessons they learned.

2. Empathetic, Not Sympathetic

CheerLeaders seem to know when you need a moment to cry and a moment to feel understood and a moment to be called out. Mentors are not and should not be so emotionally attached.

Philip wasn’t one to sugarcoat things. If my candidate pitch was weak, he’d tell me. Then ask me questions to guide me to where I should be.. But—and this is the key—his approach showed he understood where I came from and still expected me to do better. A CheerLeader can be your friend, a mentor should not be.

The balance between honesty and empathy is what separates good mentors from great ones. Think Haymitch Abernathy in The Hunger Games. He wasn’t warm and fuzzy. He was brutal and critical to the point of vulgar… which is what saved Katniss and Peeta’s. Haymitch told them what they needed to hear, not necessarily what they wanted.

3. They See Your Potential—Even When You Don’t

How often do we look in the mirror and zero in on that blemish? We all tend to fixate on That One Thing—the flaw, the shortcoming, the gap we think defines us. But mentors? Mentors see the bigger picture. They don’t just see who you are now; they see who you could become.

It’s like you’re a young startup on the market. Your mentor is that investor who doesn’t care about where your valuation stands today. They’re betting on what you’ll become in the future. Their “investment” isn’t financial—mentors don’t get stock options— it’s personal. They’re betting on your potential.

Philip was my investor. I didn’t ask him to and I don’t think he ever consciously decided, “I’ll mentor Nessa”. But he saw something in me, a glimmer of potential that I didn’t see in myself. And he chose to invest. Did he get anything out of it? Honestly, probably not. If he reads this, I think he’ll be surprised by this exact post. Maybe he felt that helping me succeed would contribute to our team’s success overall. But I also think there’s something more primal to it—a need to pass on what we’ve learned, to help someone navigate the hurdles we ourselves once found daunting.

So, how do you find someone like that? Look for the person who doesn’t just cheer you on but challenges you. The one who sees through your insecurities and nudges you to step up. And when you find them, thank them. Soak it all in. You’ll pay it forward one day.

Mentors vs. CheerLeaders

The lines between Mentors and CheerLeaders are blurred. There is a key difference; a CheerLeader cheers from the sidelines, celebrating your wins and offering support. A Mentor preps you for the journey. If you were running a race, the CheerLeader has that cup of water waiting on the sidelines at your 10th km. The Mentor was the one that told you to talk salt tablets and wear a certain type of sock.

Mentors, like Philip, might not even realize they’re mentoring you. And you might not realize it either—not until one day, when you’re asked, “Who’s someone that helped shape your career?” and their name, just like that, pops up.